Intoxicated By Death
by InARandomUniverse
Summary: Bella is suicidal and in a last attempt to save her is sent to a mental hospital where she meets Edward Cullen, the kid who's been through way too much. But will they ever learn to trust someone again? Does love really conquer all?
1. Chapter 1

**Yeaah so my first fanfic :)**

**A verrry short preface I know, but I should be uploading the first chapter in a few minutes to go with it.**

**Hope you like it xx**

**Preface.**

I float in a pool of darkness, cold presses in on me. I am alone. Floating aimlessly I reach for sparks of hope. But rather than warm, they only burn. I ache with sorrow, I hunger to leave, to escape, to leave this prison. I crave to be free. To be heard. To be loved.

The tears move tediously through my eyes. They roll down my cheeks, the taste of salt bitter on my lips, just as the taste of the world leaves me weak. The world that I crave so hard to leave.

Suicide.

It's all I can think about. Suicide. I can't get it out. So hard to resist, resisting the urge to slit my wrists. To feel something, to make someone care. So I drag the blade across my arms wishing myself more pain, and I wake soaked in blood, cuts covering my useless body. I can't take this any longer. I can't do this any longer. It hurts too much.

I swallowed the pills and said my prayers.

**Please review, it means a lot to me =)**


	2. Change In State

**Okay so lets be warned; adult themes all the way through... especially in EPOV.**

I hated being in this room. The shear feel of the four walls surrounding me was like a barrier to my life, testing my freedom. I stared at the wall studing the meaningless cracks, the blank white walls were the kind you-

'Bella! What the fuck are you doing? Jesus Christ!' Emmett yelled at me, shoving my hand away. I looked down wearily, suddenly noticing that I had grasped my hand around the blistering hot kettle by my side, my hand now heated and blistered. I stared at it in interest, cocking my head to the side, not feeling the pain and certainly not registering the fact that I had just harmed myself yet again. It was all useless. The point of being here was next to zero. Nothing was going to help. It had gone to far. Why couldn't they just accept this was what I wanted? To be free of this despicable world. To sleep.

He shoved a wet cloth in my hands and winced at the sound of it hissing against my skin. He looked up and straight into my eyes, his face glowing with intensity.

'Bella. Why the hell did you do that?'

I looked wearily into his eyes. 'To feel something Emmett.'

The tears gleamed in his eyes.'You have to stop this. This man- Dr. Hayes – is trying to help you Bells. Please. Just for me, listen to him.'

'I have been-' I began to lie quickly. I had figured even if I was dying inside, I wouldn't bring Emmett down with me. I had that much humanity left in me.

'Bella we all know you haven't taken in a single word so far, so I have asked Dr. Hayes to repeat what he has just told us and he has, very kindly, accepted. But you need to fucking listen, Bells.' I could hear the hopelessness slowly rising in his voice again as it more than often did. I bowed my head in shame, trying to take my mind of the situation by studing the blisters again. He took it the wrong way and, thinking I was in pain, dabbed the cloth lightly across my palm. I pushed it away.

'Come on then. Are we gonna do this or not?' My attempt at enthusiasm was poor but I knew I had to get this other with sooner or later. I would just have to fake myself through this and then later try to find some tablets that actually worked. That actually took away the pain. If he would leave me alone for five minutes that was.

The doctor smiled at me from across the table. He was mid thirties and from what I could gather, a rich and comforted man to. He seemed happy and even in my 'suicidal and depressed' state, he gave off a positive vibe. To bad it didn't make a difference for me. No, I was negative, suicidal, depressed and in a 'fragile state'. A good vibe wasn't going to help that.

He overlapped his hands in his chair and a a deeply worried expression phased over his face as he looked me over again. I wasn't very presentable. My hair was wild, my clothes old and smelly. But to be frank who the fuck gave a shit? I certainly didn't.

'Bella I think that you've reached the bottom of your depression and that you need help' He frowned 'Urgently. You have now, if I'm not mistaken, tried to commit suicide a total of 7 times. Hanging twice, tablets' he glanced up at me from his notes briefly' four times and cutting is your most recent habit.' He sighed 'Bella, we see it as up most importance to help you out, so...now please hear me out before you judge please, but we think the best way to help you would be to send you off on a little...holiday.' He hesitated.

My eyebrows furrowed. 'Holiday?' I said draging the word out suspiciously. Since when did they send you of on holidays? Fucks sake. He was just confusing my life even more. Was he just another moron who took the piss out of me? No. He couldn't be. He was a private expensive therapist, one of the best. God, what was wrong with me?

'Yeah, well take some time away from home at a... special home.'

What?......

Oh. _Oh_.

They were going to send me away to some mental home that was for cripples and insane perverted men. They were meant to be helping me, not giving me more reasons to take the pills. What was wrong with this world? I felt the need to run and jump from a building, praying for death.

I burst into tears, glancing at the two men who were now exchanging worried looks. I had had enough. I had reached the breaking point.

I ran from the room, my eyesight blinded by the tears, and ran and ran and ran. I was not aware of my brother chasing after me begging this to end. For me to be reasonable. I was not aware of the cars beeping and the men cursing at me as I ran across the roads at rush hour. I didn't hear the now frantic screams of my brother as he realised where I was headed. I didn't care, I didn't feel. I just felt nothing, and that was how I willed it to be. Forever more. There was nothing worth living for any more. They were gone.

The thought of my dead husband and stillborn baby sent me into waves of ever more desperate sobs, making it harder and harder for me to force the air through my lungs. I wanted to join them. To hold my baby close to ours bodies. To be a family. Was that to much to ask for? It was all too much.

I reached the bridge dismissing the stares and hand gestures pointed in my direction as I ran onto the main road. I crossed halfway and made my way to the railings. This was it. I allowed myself the first smile I had had since the day she died. I would finally join her. Them. I struggled and pulled myself over to the other side of the bridge, now only hanging on by a single hand. Emmett screamed at me and I could already make out the cops running in my direction.

It was time.

I closed my eyes and felt the wind blow through my hair. 'Goodbye' I whispered.

I let go.

*

EPOV=

No. _Oh God no_. Not again.

He leaned over the bed, whispering things in my ear. Jibing me. Threatening me.

'I don't want to do it but your being a naughty boy Eddie. I'm doing it for you.'

For me? Why would I want this? Fuck sake, why would anyone want this? Being here was worse enough, but having him rape me anally every night made it a whole lot fucking worse. You wouldn't believe how much worse.

He leaned over me his hand reaching for the zip of my trousers. I closed my eyes and let him be. You may be thinking; why doesn't he stand up for himself? Or tell someone? If only it was that simple. I had resisted once and man had he made me pay. Offering me around for sex to some of his 'mates' in return for drugs. That had been a fucking week. So by now I was used to being handled like a dog and being raped roughly. It was a part of my daily routine.

He was just pulling the zip of my trousers down when the bell rang. I sighed in relief quietly, hoping he would not notice. Boy he did. He threw me of the bed pinning me up against the wall.

'Don't think I'm fucking done with you yet!' He said in his raspy perverted voice. 'I'll deal with you after the talk and the shitty muck.' He punched me right on my already black eye. The one he had given me.

He had been in here a long time now. He knew how to make it hurt.

But I was used to it and didn't even wince when he hit me repeatedly in the stomach afterwards.

'Have a nice meal' He smiled and I could once again see the gold blocks in his mouth. I kept my expression simple and as he let me drop I flattened my t-shirt out. My mom hated creases.

As I said I was used to it.

The warden came along reading from a list who had guests today. I waited patiently until she came to our room and after checking us over looked down at her list.

'Cullen...C,c,c,c...aha here we go. Edward Cullen, 3 visitors checked in to see you today. Two different appointments though so I'll run that through the kitchen to keep you some food.' Great I'd get the scraps. 'That's in visitor room...14. And what's your name?' She said looking over at Geo. 'No, don't tell me...Mike isn't it?' He smiled in approval.

'Mike Buchenwald Miss' Always the good boy in front of the staff. Little did she know he was fucking me at night.

'Buchenwald...b,b,b,b...Mike Buchenwald 1 visitor in visitor room...26.' That must be his drug dealer then. Could imagine anyone else would care about him. She smiled heading out of the room and into the next dorm along. I headed out of the room head down and followed the brightly coloured arrows on the walls to the visitor rooms.

That was the thing about this place. It all looked so great from the outside, the perfect place to make people happy and solve their problems. Smiling trained staff ready to greet you at every door. Comfortable dorms where you were partnered with lovely understanding people. Rainbow coloured walls, amazing food and on sweet bathrooms were what greeted you at Hayensdale Mental Hospital. But on the inside you weren't partnered with the most considerate people. You were partnered with losers who raped you and gave you a hard time. That was the reality of it. It was just another mental hospital where people were kept when their families couldn't handle it any longer.

I entered the cream room and sat in one of the blue chairs across from the empty beach table. I twiddled my thumbs looking down at them and studing where I had bit my nails to oblivion. I heard the heels as they echoed down the hallway to my room. I also heard the hushed whispers of worry. How would I look this time? What had happened to him now? They sealed their lips as they walked into the doorway and smiled widely at me. She walked into meet me with widened arms and I stood up to meet her tight hug.

'Big bro! I'm missing you so much at home.' I smiled feebly in return.

'I miss you to' I mumbled.

She smiled sadly and gestured for us to sit. Jasper entered in behind her and nodded my way. He took his seat next to his wife Alice, naturally putting his arm protectively around her. I had often wondered if I would ever marry, meet my soul mate. But being stuck in here didn't help my chances. Not when you had to be put with men and allowed no direct contact with women.

'So hows things going? Although judging my the black eye, the torn lip and not to mention the bruises, I'd guess not so good.'

'It's alright.' I sighed looking up into her eyes briefly. I hated eye contact made me feel...weird. I couldn't explain it. Neither could Alice, and man she could explain everything the little genius.

'So...I have some great news!' My eyes narrowed in suspicion.

'Your being moved!' My eyes widened in alarm. What? Where? 'Don't worry it's still here silly, just to a new dorm...with a new girl.'

I sighed in relief. Ever since what had happened I had hated change. I had to have a routine as the smart ass doctors put it. Plus, I was being moved from Geo. This would of made me happy except for the fact that the new guy would almost definitely rape me to.

And then I took it what she had really said.

'What? A girl? But...but were not even aloud contact with them never mind a dorm together!'

'Shhhh....listen it's a expectation. Some kind of experiment or something. Anyway this girl she's really fragile Ed. In a state of depression and suicidal. You need to be careful with her okay? Take care of her-'

The warden came in indicating that my next visitor was here and that he didn't want to be kept waiting. Alice went a bit berserk.

'What? But how long has that been? A minute maybe half? God sake!' She huffed while Jasper reassured her that the next visitor was important and should definitely _not_ be kept waiting. This made _me_ go a little berserk.

'What? Who is it anyway?' I asked quickly as they headed for the door, Alice still clearly in a mood. I tell she was already planning to et a complaint slip on the way out. Alice sighed clearly tired by something by life. Jasper answered for her.

'You'll see' he winked and then they were gone. And I was alone agai-.

'Hey' a man walked in the door and greeted me briskly, making it clear he was in a rush. He was a bulky guy who clearly got up at 6 am every morning and went to the gym. He sat down in the chair and leaned into me, quite clearly taking me in. He didn't like what he saw.

'Look I don't have a fucking clue how you got those bruises but I don't want her involved in any of this. You hear me? You hurt her one bit or take advantage of her' he spat 'then I _will_ personally kill you. She's fragile at the minute and I know how you guys think. So when you consider that, and I know for a fact you will, remember this conversation. And be warned.' My eyes widened in alarm, as I realised what he was on about. I may be messed up but I wasn't gonna rape anybody any time soon.

He stood up again, towering over me threateningly, casting a shadow over my stunned in silence body.

'Don't' he growled 'ever hurt her you mongrel.' He spat on my face and made his way from the room.

Halfway to the door he paused and turned around smiling as if any of this had never happened.

'And by the way...her names Bella'


End file.
